Ok Sam. :) You're right! I should post this. :)
Ok Sam. :) You're right! I should post this. :)
'Here's my strategy on the Cold War:
We win, they lose.' - Ronald Reagan
'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' -Ronald Reagan
'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.' - Ronald Reagan
'Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U.S. was too strong.' - Ronald Reagan
'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.' - Ronald Reagan
'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.' - Ronald Reagan
'Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.' - Ronald Reagan
'The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.' - Ronald Reagan
'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.' - Ronald Reagan
'Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.' - Ronald Reagan
'Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.' - Ronald Reagan
'No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women..' - Ronald Reagan
'If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under.' - Ronald Reagan
This was from a few months ago. My daughter was in The Western Slope Honor Band. She was one of three kids chosen from her school to be in this concert. She plays baritone. This is just the middle school kids playing.
I just thought they sounded so awesome. And for middle school kids to boot!
I hope you enjoy them! :)
If this works :fingerscrossed: I owe it all the Syako! :hug: :kiss: :notworthy: I could never have gotten this here with out her! :hug:
Just a little Funny for ya! :)
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year,
And every year Morris would say,
'Esther, I’d like to ride in that helicopter.'
Esther always replied,
'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars,
And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said,
'Esther, I'm 85 years old.
If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'
To this, Esther replied,
'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'
The pilot overheard the couple and said,
'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!
But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'
Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.
He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,
But still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said,
'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.
'Well, to tell you the truth,
I almost said something when Esther fell out,
But you know,
fifty dollars is fifty dollars!'
This is just a funny little story from my daughter. Well, actually my daughters friend to my daughter who then told me. Well it's handed down a bit but still funny.
I think most of you all know that I live in a tiny little town. It's mostly ranches and farms here. We still have cattles drives etc. There's a little store that looks nothing like 7/11 or Circle K, but that is where this takes place.
My daughters friend was there outside sitting on the bench in front of the store. There's a man in a business suit there standing by his car. He's talking on his cell phone: Hello! Hello! Can you here me?! I'm out in the middle of nowhere here!
(suddnely one of those little dust devils comes up) Ah! A tornado!!
(He jumps in his car and drives off).
I realize this may not be as funny to other people as it was to us. My daughter and I laughed at that story till we cried. We get really strange reactions from "city people" and the stories are hilarious. I had to share one. :) If you didn't laugh, I'm sorry. It could be that my daughter is just a much better story teller than I am. Or, you just had to be there. :shrug:
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
· Romance 9.5 and
· Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesira ble programs such as
· NBA 5.0,
· NFL 3.0 and
· Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
· Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
First, keep in mind,
· Boyfriend 5. 0 is an Entertainment Package, while
· Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter co mmand: ithoughtyoulovedme.html, try to download Tears 6.2, and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
· If those applications work as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
· Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0-program. This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited mem ory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend
· Cooking 3.0 and
· Hot Lingerie 7.7.
Dear Mrs. Jones,
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week
before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we
had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people
were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me
dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow
shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before
she turns it in.
Oh this is just too funny! I hope you guys go tee hee. :)
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls
and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,'
she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the dolls, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him, and Patience for his moods.
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't have time to crochet.
At the end of the tax year the IRS office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'
'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'
'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: 'What about all these bread wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'
'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers .'
'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'
'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi.
'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the tax office,
and about once a year they send us a complete dick.